Whom do you seek ?

I've come to my last official blog on this Good Friday and I am really happy that God lead me to do this. Through the past 40 days,  I spent my time reading in the quiet of my apartment or listening to podcasts on the long drives back to Georgetown each week; and even found myself scurrying to write thoughts down as they entered my head. This afternoon, I am doing some writing as I sit in the peacefulness of the Carmelite monastery parking lot in Arlington, Texas.  A very nice way to end my writing journey.  

As our last Friday together, I invite you follow me, as we step through the eastern gate of the great temple and across the Kidron Valley into that dark, moonlit Olive grove called Gethsemane.  This walled garden is where we'll discover much more than Jesus and His disciples; we'll learn how much Jesus really does love us.  Stop and really look at what Jesus did- or actually didn't do in the gardens, and you'll finally begin to appreciate just how much He loves us. 

Look off in the distance with me among those rows of olive trees.  It's the middle of the night and Jesus is kneeling in prayer.  He chose this spot because He needed a place away from the noises of the city. This spot offered quiet and darkness. He could have hidden out here and let things cool off until the attention was shifted to someone else and He was no longer the topic of the day.  No not Jesus. Then, three hours later, Rome's finest soldiers show up;  surround the walls of the garden and begin to search.  He would have been nearly impossible to find;  there were no lit parking lots and no lighted pathways.  Jesus could have hid among the many thick-trunked olive trees, playing hide and seek for hours until the Romans gave up. Instead, He makes His presence know,  calling out from the darkness " Whom do you seek?".    But when the century replies " Jesus the Nazarene" you don't see Jesus lifting out his arm, pointing off into the distance proclaiming " he went that way". No, instead He acknowledges that He is in fact who they are looking for and is quickly taken into custody. 

So many opportunities to change His course: 
"I tried to show them the way. I went into their cities and shared your Word- yet they ran me off.  I performed miracles in front of them so that they might believe-yet they still doubted.   "Seriously?  You want me to get cursed at, beat up, whipped, publicly humiliated nailed to a cross and murdered?  You want me to go through all this for a bunch of Sinners?" Thats exactly what He did!

Have you ever been driving down the highway and suddenly realized that your exit is upon you?  With only a few short seconds to react, you have to make a decision to turn. Delay taking action and you are past the point of no return. Those actions in garden shows just how much Jesus is committed to us. Whatever actions He made that early morning in Gethsemane were crucial, because after that, There was no turning back.  

The truth of the matter is, we can't even begin to imagine-as much as we try, that we understand the depth of His love. but see what he didn't do in the garden and you start to understand.   Jesus knew what lied ahead for him. He went through that for us. He could have rewrote history that early morning, but He loves us too much. 

Truthfully, I was just hoping to be able to read more scripture and learn a bit along the way. But what I got was so much more.  As I close out my  final story,  I think Jesus sums up my experience the best:  "Whom do you seek?". Forty days ago, I  started a blog for Lent because I was seeking You. 

- Kenn

Beam

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
- Matthew 5:14 


The sun had been asleep for some time as my platoon sergeant made his way around the area to check on his Soldiers: "alright men, it's time to line up"  directing as he passed.  I was barely 19 years old at the time and a mere one hundred and thirty pounds….soaking wet!  I remember thinking: "I am in way over my head with this Army stuff."  I positioned my heavy ruck sack on my back and took my place among the other members of my rifle platoon. Moments later, a tap on the shoulder signaled our cue to move out and we made our way through the heavy vegetation.  It was close to midnight and we were conducting a training maneuver called a night withdraw. That's Army lingo for a very long walk in the middle of the night. We were embarking on a three hour walk on foot in complete darkness; No flashlights, no night vision goggles, just us and Mother Nature. As I started off, my ruck sack managed to grab a hold of every branch it could find, twisting and pulling me in every direction but forward it seemed. We proceeded slowly in order to keep on course. It was a strange feeling to be walking in total darkness- as if someone threw a blanket over my head.  But as time went by, the blackness gave way to darker shades of gray and I was able to make out shapes of trees and buildings off in the distance. As we lumbered on, I looked up to see a black sky speckled with billions of stars. I suddenly realized that those stars were giving off enough light to allow me to steer clear of hazards. We continued on, and my eyes continued to adjust.  The dark grayish trees shapes stood out against the darker black curtain of the night sky.   When I looked down, I could actually see shadows on the ground-courtesy of a half covered moon.  I CAN ACTUALLY SEE!  Those billions of stars working together made all the difference in the world. Billions of small beacons combining their power, gave us sight-guiding us safely to our destination.  Those stars served a good purpose that evening in Joliet.  


That’s the thing about light, whether it’s one tiny lone beacon or an assemblage of a billion tiny beacons, each casts out a glow.   A young child wanders a short distance off from the family campsite to explore his surroundings and before he realizes it, the evening has turned as dark as the inside of a cave.  He uses his small flashlight to find his way, shining it down on the ground as he walks.  The small beam of light is too weak to casts  a highlight on the tent just a few hundred feet away. As its beam fades away into the darkness the boy continues to search.   But the boy’s light is serving another purpose as well; his tiny beacon of light is attracting  a watchful father right in upon the lost boy.


When you walk into your home after a late evening, the warm light from inside your home is there to welcome you home.  Have you ever had to walk through your house in the dark after coming home late in the evening in order to turn lights on. Making your way down the dark hallway, you flip the light switch and suddenly the room warms instantly.  You feel a sense of comfort.   Light gives things shape; color.  It brings things to life.  Anyone who has ever watched a sunrise knows that as the sun crests the horizon, it transforms a monochromatic early morning landscape into a warm, vibrant panorama. 


If we do good works, we become like one of those tiny sparkling stars that helped light my path in the middle of the night many years ago.  Imagine the possibilities if we were a community doing good works.  Suddenly, we are like those billions of stars fill the night sky- lighting the path for the most distraught traveler.  I don’t think its just enough to go to church each Sunday.  Actions speak louder than words.  Jesus wants us to get out their and walk the walk.  What have we really done to shine our light?  


Not sure where to start?  It doesn’t matter how big or small you start.  What matters is that you start.  Remember that boy who was lost in the woods?  That’s YOU.  Taking that small step may only get your light to shine a little distance, but remember who is going to see that light?  Remember who is coming to find you, take you by the hand and turn that that small beam into a wide shaft of light for everyone to see?  God! 

A table for twelve please

The Gospel of John sets the stage well for the last supper: Love
"Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love"

During the normal dinner talk, Jesus doesn't just casually mention how much he liked the apostles and He did more than just thank them for standing by His side throughout his his time when he was preaching to the crowds. No, the Gospel of John is very clear-  he gave them "....the fullest extent of His love". Wow!  I bet you could feel the love in the room that night as Jesus is surrounded by His closest friends. 

And speaking of close friends, the apostles have seen it all:  They were there when Jesus calmed a torturing sea; they were present when a  man blind at birth suddenly gain his sight.  They even witnessed first hand how a few fish and loaves became many.   Looking for a witness to give testimony to who the Son of God is?  They are the twelve over there standing next to Him. 

On this particular Sabbath evening, they were sitting next to him to share one last final meal together. I imagine the evening starting out much like our own meals- small talk about the day's events, some poking fun at each other. And Jesus probably just taking it all in, quietly reflecting on the short time he had with the Twelve.   Never one to play up his Messianic position as the Son of God, Jesus decides to illustrate his love for the disciples by washing their feet. So, the Master becomes the servant, washing the feet of His apostles. Drying them with the very towel that was wrapped around Him. 

Jesus shared more than just bread and wine and tough news about betrayal with the apostles that evening.  He promised not to permenantly leave them. While he's gone, He gave them the protection of the Holy Spirit.   He tells the apostle Phillip that we can can accomplish greater things than Jesus if we have faith in Him.

Like he did for the Apostles, Jesus wants to care for us. He wants to be a servant to us so that we can accomplish great things in His father's name. He only requirement: faith. I for one, can't imagine being empowered to do greater things than Jesus, but Jesus told us with faith it is possible.

Making the connection

I see things differently than most people.  When I see a jewelry ad in a magazine for example, I study the way the light wraps around the object giving it depth and shape, while highlighting ever silvery detail.  If you know anything about photography of highly reflective surfaces, then you know that getting detail in silver is no simple feat.  Recently, I saw a straight forward, image of golfer.  Most people, who look at it, will appreciate the simple pose and soft lighting.  But for me, it is about connecting to the other elements; short depth of field, the perfect angle, and blurred background.  All in an effort to focus you right in on the subject.  Yep, rest assured; if you catch me looking at an ad for several minutes, it’s probably because I have a richer understanding of what it took to capture that image.  As a result, when I look at photographic images, I am connecting in a different way than most people. 

About a year ago, some friends and I attended the Ansel Adams photography exhibit in Phoenix Arizona.  The exhibit was amazing and my friends were excited for the opportunity to see the work of one of the most famous photographers ever known.  So was I.  His landscape prints were beyond impressive! Ansel’s visual acumen navigates the viewer around the large black and white landscapes by framing his subject using Mother Nature’s shapes and lines, leading us on a visual tour around the large photographic print.  When I look at Ansel’s images, I understand what it means for a photographer to translate his emotions onto black and white ILFORD paper.  If you have never printed a black and white negative through an enlarger, you probably don’t understand what it takes to get that type of tonal range and you would be hard pressed to have the same connection than I have when viewing his work. 

When I hear a song on the radio, chances are, I am listening to it much differently than you.  Sit and listen to “Something About You”, by my favorite group, Mercy Me and no doubt you’ll likely be moved by the inspiring lyrics.  But, being a drummer for five years, gives me a different set of listening tools than most people.  While I’m certainly moved by the lyrics, I am also drawn into how the skillful drummer, Robby Shaffer compliments that message with a his quarter note beat played out in a double stroke roll, accented periodically to give just the right tempo, eventually building into a smooth fill as singer Bart Millard enters into the Chorus.  Other songs warrant that same type of attention from me as well, as I tap out quarter note beats on my lap, tapping my foot on the ONE and THREE, as I wonder how to create the fills with the same depth and energy to whatever song I am listening to.  Chances are, if you don’t play an instrument, you probably experience a different connection when you listen to music.

When we make that same type of investment in God, we will begin to see a deeper connection in our every day life.  Suddenly, the way we look at life will completely change. 

         An average morning sunset…..extraordinary gift from God;

         That grumpy neighbor…..like me, he’s made by God

         Those worries and troubles…..ahh, I understand

          My pain and suffering…..I understand it now

…..Suddenly, we begin to see things differently than others.

Neither the Pharosees nor Sadducees  wanted to make that investment.  No, they tried to trip up Jesus with tricky questions.  They weren’t really interested in connecting in a different way than most people-they became “most people”

Its an investment.  An investment we get by continually seeking Him. Making that connection to Him, is about investing yourself to Him in what you do and how you live your life.  It’s only the tip of the iceberg for me, but I want to put in the energy because I want that connection with bigger connection with Him.

Overcome by events

It is late on Saturday evening and I am yet to post my Friday reflection. I have been struggling this past week to find some quiet time to put my thoughts down. Overcome by a trip to New York this pst week, ending in a late flight back Thursday and another trip Friday morning, made it impossible to get my thoughts together for my 40 days blog.

So, I plan to make up for lost time and post something this Friday. As a geeral rule, I am keeping my posts under 1000 words and I will say, it is a real challenge for me to capture the essence of what I want to say in that amount of words. Of course, I am assuming that someone other than myself actually reads these posts

So I apologize for my abscent post this week. I will try my hardest to do better.

FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY

"Jason Fillmore ?"  echoes an Angelic voice across the waiting room.   An elderly man stands slowly; steadying himself, then makes his way to the receptionist station.  A beautiful glowing figured turns to face him. "Congratulations for making it to your final destination-eternity.  I am Elizabeth, your guardian Angel."  Mr. Fillmore acknowledges with a small smile.  She slides an overstuffed manilla envelope in front of him, saying:  "I've looked over your file and everything looks great. I just need to get a couple of signatures, and then you'll be done". As he browses the worn folder, he notices a section titled FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY. Anticipating his question, his Angel intervenes saying; " that section is where we track those people who served God's purpose during their life. It's doesn't matter for you, once you've made it this far, you are always welcomed through the Gates."

"well..." The man inquires.  "Did I achieve my purpose in life ?". .   "Did I achieve what God planned for me?". She took his hand and held it warmly as she spoke.  "Many times He tried to guide your path. Many times you questioned your own worthiness.  In a reassuring tone, she continued; "Mr. Fillmore, you led a wonderful life. You may not have fully fulfilled your purpose, but God welcomes you into his Kingdom."

The elderly man looks up his Angel, wondering how he could have misinterpreted so many opportunities; he walks down the long hall directed by a sign displaying the words GATES OF HEAVEN.

I can count on both hands, the number of times as I was praying throughout my life over something really important, that part of my dialogue with God where I remind Him that I will probably miss His answer if He doesn't just lay it out there for me in black and white. I needed him to be direct or I'll probably miss his message. Ultimately asking my own Angle one day " did I fulfill what God had planned for me?".  Beneath it all- although i made it to heaven, I think I would ultimately be a bit disappointed if I hadn't served His purpose in life.

I often wonder what that purpose is, or if I'm even worthy or Holy enough to serve Him. Did I miss the clues along the way?  When I flip up that tab that says FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY, I'll slap my palm to my forehead and yell "how could I have missed those signs?" I missed the obvious.

I was talking with my children the other day about the apostles.  About how their faith was so strong that when Jesus asked them to follow him, they stopped what they were doing and followed Him. They left their jobs, their homes, their friends, their family - all on a moments notice to follow Him.   I told my kids: "that's true faith".  So, that little discussion got me thinking again about my own path. Is He's not calling me to serve Him because there are others that have sinned less than me? They are the ones He is really interested in. But then I come back to the discussion with my kids about the Apostles and I think of Matthew, the Tax collector. Hated by many, but chosen by Jesus to be His Apostle.  In fact throughout the entire bible, Jesus chose people with less than colorful backgrounds to serve for Him. So there you go. I am not expected to be perfect.

I recognize that God doesn't want perfect people to serve Him. If that were the case, there would be no one out there to serve him. That also means I am in good company because as hard as I try, I screw up a lot. So I guess this means, I'm qualified.  "God, how can I serve You, what is my purpose in life". Have you had those discussions?  What about my purpose ? Well maybe I'm expecting Jesus to walk up to my tax collector table and ask me to follow him.  That's fairly direct and to the point. But more than that, maybe I've come to believe that my purpose in life should be this really powerful dynamic thing that will capture the audience of the entire world. Maybe I watch too many movies. Maybe I think my purpose in life has to be more than just as parent or spouse or Soldier. Those roles are fulfilling but they lack the complexity to be considered as my "purpose" in life compared to what others are doing. But wait a minute. Those are really hard roles to fill. To be a parent is no easy task. Now serve God through that role each and every day.  Being a spouse is certainly not without it's challenges. Just ask my wife what it's like being married to me, she'll confirm that statement. Now serve God through your marriage each and every day.

So , maybe it's time to humble myself and realize that God just wants me to serve His purpose in the roles He's already given me, doing all those things in His name.

Finding your way to the desert

Did you know that as you read this, you are rotating with the Earth at a speed a little over 1,083 miles per hour, give or take-depending on the distance your couch is to the equator? If the Earth were to suddenly stop spinning, our atmosphere would continue to zip past you at rate of speed close to 1,000 miles an hour. As a result, everything not attached to solid ground would pretty much be windswept clean.  All of that would happen in the blink of an eye and we would be left wondering what just happened.

Do we realize that the atmosphere is moving past us at record speeds right now? Our mornings begin as we repeatedly tap the snooze, waiting until the very last minute before we force ourselves out of bed; scramble to get dressed, dress our kids and head off to work, dropping them at school along the way.  Oh, on the way to work, we’re texting our spouse, checking emails on our Blackberry, all while nursing our tall latte from Starbucks.  Of course, we’re doing all this as we listen to the radio, increasing the volume as the guitar lead intro pulls us into our favorite Loverboy song-the one we haven’t heard in thirty years.  Tapping out the rhythm on the steering wheel, we are whisked away to thoughts of our high school days as we weave in and out of heavy rush hour traffic.   The rest of the day, pretty much mirrors that scene as well.  Rushing home to throw down a quick meal so we can get kid number one to karate practice, kid number two to his guitar lessons and kid number three to the rehearsal for the school play.  I think you get the picture.  Yes, the atmosphere is zooming past us and we don’t even realize it.

With all this chaos and time consuming life-chatter-as I like to call it, going on, how do we ever expect to talk to anyone, let alone God?  I think the answer lies somewhere on the floor of that hot dusty desert.  Can you Imagine what conversations Jesus must have had with God during those forty days. Praying. Reflecting.  There were no people pulling at his gown asking to cure them, no large groups following his every move, continually asking questions and seeking his guidance and wisdom.  Noone shouting from the street to cure his blindness.  No, before his meeting with Satan, there was just Jesus and God.  I can just imagine the wisdom, support and empowerment that God gave to Jesus during the time that the Holy Spirit led Him into the desert.  I imagine Jesus walking through the desert, hot blistering sand pouring over his sandals as he takes each step.  Wondering as he walks. Talking to the Father as he struggles through the 140 degree heat of the day and fighting off the cold chill of the night.  As each day builds upon the next, talks with His Father become more and more frequent. His Father answering in subtle responses.

Over a short period of time, a beautiful dialog was built and God instilled within him, the tools Jesus needed to cast off Satan’s temptations and carry Him forward to fullfill his destiny for us.  I believe that what happened to Jesus in the desert is not far from what is happening to us today.  We have so much going on, we can’t hear what God is trying to tell us.  We fill our lives with a daily chaos that doesn’t give us time to think before we’re fast asleep and starting the whole process over again the next day.  Well, God wants us to meet him in the desert just like His Son. To spend some time with Him talking, sharing.  He wants to talk to us, just like he did with Jesus.  That’s right, just like with Jesus.  That should send chills up your spine.

What a treasure we could have, if we would just travel to the desert.  We don’t have to travel a great distance to get to His desert.  No nine hour flight, no fasting for forty days (although a little fasting never hurts) and no sandals required.  No, what God requires of us is our time.  Much like the desert Jesus encountered, our desert is filled with challenges and dangers too.  In this age of social media and instant everything, its a challenge to give some of that up.  It's a struggle to get your son off of the Wii to spend some time talking with God.  To turn of the radio on the hour long commute to work and engage in a conversation with Him. Or to rally the family together in your home in the evenings to have a dedicated prayer time.  We've become comfortable in our world and it's scarey to step out into His desert.  Uninterrupted, distraction-free time.  Maybe its as simple as trading in our Facebook for Hisbook a couple hours a week.  Well, that's a start perhaps

We can't hear what we can't hear. 

They say its all about who you know

Giving up things for Lent always seemed a bit frivolous to me.  Don’t get me wrong, I gave up coffee once and it was an absolutely challenge.  After several weeks with no coffee, I did appreciate a bit more, but at the end of the day, it was just coffee. I'm not sure I really grew spiritually from that experience the way I wanted too.  Nonetheless, I do recognize that there is a good lesson there, but this year I want to do something more.  I want to really grow.  I want to really think about things from a renewed spiritual perspective. I want to invest the time to really know Him by reading more and thinking more about the stories in the bible and what it all means to me and my life.

So, each Friday over the next forty days, I will reflect on something from the bible. I'm not even sure right now, what that will look like.  I do know that it entails a lot of reading and research....and writing.

I have extended an invitation to you to spend some time here with me and my writings.  I'm not an expert in theology or writing, I just want to do something during this Lent season that is really meaningful to me.  So over the next forty days, stop by my page and visit if you like.  No pressure, no heavy sales pitch and nothing is required.   Refills are on the House

I hope you enjoy

Kenn