Overcome by events

It is late on Saturday evening and I am yet to post my Friday reflection. I have been struggling this past week to find some quiet time to put my thoughts down. Overcome by a trip to New York this pst week, ending in a late flight back Thursday and another trip Friday morning, made it impossible to get my thoughts together for my 40 days blog.

So, I plan to make up for lost time and post something this Friday. As a geeral rule, I am keeping my posts under 1000 words and I will say, it is a real challenge for me to capture the essence of what I want to say in that amount of words. Of course, I am assuming that someone other than myself actually reads these posts

So I apologize for my abscent post this week. I will try my hardest to do better.

FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY

"Jason Fillmore ?"  echoes an Angelic voice across the waiting room.   An elderly man stands slowly; steadying himself, then makes his way to the receptionist station.  A beautiful glowing figured turns to face him. "Congratulations for making it to your final destination-eternity.  I am Elizabeth, your guardian Angel."  Mr. Fillmore acknowledges with a small smile.  She slides an overstuffed manilla envelope in front of him, saying:  "I've looked over your file and everything looks great. I just need to get a couple of signatures, and then you'll be done". As he browses the worn folder, he notices a section titled FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY. Anticipating his question, his Angel intervenes saying; " that section is where we track those people who served God's purpose during their life. It's doesn't matter for you, once you've made it this far, you are always welcomed through the Gates."

"well..." The man inquires.  "Did I achieve my purpose in life ?". .   "Did I achieve what God planned for me?". She took his hand and held it warmly as she spoke.  "Many times He tried to guide your path. Many times you questioned your own worthiness.  In a reassuring tone, she continued; "Mr. Fillmore, you led a wonderful life. You may not have fully fulfilled your purpose, but God welcomes you into his Kingdom."

The elderly man looks up his Angel, wondering how he could have misinterpreted so many opportunities; he walks down the long hall directed by a sign displaying the words GATES OF HEAVEN.

I can count on both hands, the number of times as I was praying throughout my life over something really important, that part of my dialogue with God where I remind Him that I will probably miss His answer if He doesn't just lay it out there for me in black and white. I needed him to be direct or I'll probably miss his message. Ultimately asking my own Angle one day " did I fulfill what God had planned for me?".  Beneath it all- although i made it to heaven, I think I would ultimately be a bit disappointed if I hadn't served His purpose in life.

I often wonder what that purpose is, or if I'm even worthy or Holy enough to serve Him. Did I miss the clues along the way?  When I flip up that tab that says FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY, I'll slap my palm to my forehead and yell "how could I have missed those signs?" I missed the obvious.

I was talking with my children the other day about the apostles.  About how their faith was so strong that when Jesus asked them to follow him, they stopped what they were doing and followed Him. They left their jobs, their homes, their friends, their family - all on a moments notice to follow Him.   I told my kids: "that's true faith".  So, that little discussion got me thinking again about my own path. Is He's not calling me to serve Him because there are others that have sinned less than me? They are the ones He is really interested in. But then I come back to the discussion with my kids about the Apostles and I think of Matthew, the Tax collector. Hated by many, but chosen by Jesus to be His Apostle.  In fact throughout the entire bible, Jesus chose people with less than colorful backgrounds to serve for Him. So there you go. I am not expected to be perfect.

I recognize that God doesn't want perfect people to serve Him. If that were the case, there would be no one out there to serve him. That also means I am in good company because as hard as I try, I screw up a lot. So I guess this means, I'm qualified.  "God, how can I serve You, what is my purpose in life". Have you had those discussions?  What about my purpose ? Well maybe I'm expecting Jesus to walk up to my tax collector table and ask me to follow him.  That's fairly direct and to the point. But more than that, maybe I've come to believe that my purpose in life should be this really powerful dynamic thing that will capture the audience of the entire world. Maybe I watch too many movies. Maybe I think my purpose in life has to be more than just as parent or spouse or Soldier. Those roles are fulfilling but they lack the complexity to be considered as my "purpose" in life compared to what others are doing. But wait a minute. Those are really hard roles to fill. To be a parent is no easy task. Now serve God through that role each and every day.  Being a spouse is certainly not without it's challenges. Just ask my wife what it's like being married to me, she'll confirm that statement. Now serve God through your marriage each and every day.

So , maybe it's time to humble myself and realize that God just wants me to serve His purpose in the roles He's already given me, doing all those things in His name.

Finding your way to the desert

Did you know that as you read this, you are rotating with the Earth at a speed a little over 1,083 miles per hour, give or take-depending on the distance your couch is to the equator? If the Earth were to suddenly stop spinning, our atmosphere would continue to zip past you at rate of speed close to 1,000 miles an hour. As a result, everything not attached to solid ground would pretty much be windswept clean.  All of that would happen in the blink of an eye and we would be left wondering what just happened.

Do we realize that the atmosphere is moving past us at record speeds right now? Our mornings begin as we repeatedly tap the snooze, waiting until the very last minute before we force ourselves out of bed; scramble to get dressed, dress our kids and head off to work, dropping them at school along the way.  Oh, on the way to work, we’re texting our spouse, checking emails on our Blackberry, all while nursing our tall latte from Starbucks.  Of course, we’re doing all this as we listen to the radio, increasing the volume as the guitar lead intro pulls us into our favorite Loverboy song-the one we haven’t heard in thirty years.  Tapping out the rhythm on the steering wheel, we are whisked away to thoughts of our high school days as we weave in and out of heavy rush hour traffic.   The rest of the day, pretty much mirrors that scene as well.  Rushing home to throw down a quick meal so we can get kid number one to karate practice, kid number two to his guitar lessons and kid number three to the rehearsal for the school play.  I think you get the picture.  Yes, the atmosphere is zooming past us and we don’t even realize it.

With all this chaos and time consuming life-chatter-as I like to call it, going on, how do we ever expect to talk to anyone, let alone God?  I think the answer lies somewhere on the floor of that hot dusty desert.  Can you Imagine what conversations Jesus must have had with God during those forty days. Praying. Reflecting.  There were no people pulling at his gown asking to cure them, no large groups following his every move, continually asking questions and seeking his guidance and wisdom.  Noone shouting from the street to cure his blindness.  No, before his meeting with Satan, there was just Jesus and God.  I can just imagine the wisdom, support and empowerment that God gave to Jesus during the time that the Holy Spirit led Him into the desert.  I imagine Jesus walking through the desert, hot blistering sand pouring over his sandals as he takes each step.  Wondering as he walks. Talking to the Father as he struggles through the 140 degree heat of the day and fighting off the cold chill of the night.  As each day builds upon the next, talks with His Father become more and more frequent. His Father answering in subtle responses.

Over a short period of time, a beautiful dialog was built and God instilled within him, the tools Jesus needed to cast off Satan’s temptations and carry Him forward to fullfill his destiny for us.  I believe that what happened to Jesus in the desert is not far from what is happening to us today.  We have so much going on, we can’t hear what God is trying to tell us.  We fill our lives with a daily chaos that doesn’t give us time to think before we’re fast asleep and starting the whole process over again the next day.  Well, God wants us to meet him in the desert just like His Son. To spend some time with Him talking, sharing.  He wants to talk to us, just like he did with Jesus.  That’s right, just like with Jesus.  That should send chills up your spine.

What a treasure we could have, if we would just travel to the desert.  We don’t have to travel a great distance to get to His desert.  No nine hour flight, no fasting for forty days (although a little fasting never hurts) and no sandals required.  No, what God requires of us is our time.  Much like the desert Jesus encountered, our desert is filled with challenges and dangers too.  In this age of social media and instant everything, its a challenge to give some of that up.  It's a struggle to get your son off of the Wii to spend some time talking with God.  To turn of the radio on the hour long commute to work and engage in a conversation with Him. Or to rally the family together in your home in the evenings to have a dedicated prayer time.  We've become comfortable in our world and it's scarey to step out into His desert.  Uninterrupted, distraction-free time.  Maybe its as simple as trading in our Facebook for Hisbook a couple hours a week.  Well, that's a start perhaps

We can't hear what we can't hear. 

They say its all about who you know

Giving up things for Lent always seemed a bit frivolous to me.  Don’t get me wrong, I gave up coffee once and it was an absolutely challenge.  After several weeks with no coffee, I did appreciate a bit more, but at the end of the day, it was just coffee. I'm not sure I really grew spiritually from that experience the way I wanted too.  Nonetheless, I do recognize that there is a good lesson there, but this year I want to do something more.  I want to really grow.  I want to really think about things from a renewed spiritual perspective. I want to invest the time to really know Him by reading more and thinking more about the stories in the bible and what it all means to me and my life.

So, each Friday over the next forty days, I will reflect on something from the bible. I'm not even sure right now, what that will look like.  I do know that it entails a lot of reading and research....and writing.

I have extended an invitation to you to spend some time here with me and my writings.  I'm not an expert in theology or writing, I just want to do something during this Lent season that is really meaningful to me.  So over the next forty days, stop by my page and visit if you like.  No pressure, no heavy sales pitch and nothing is required.   Refills are on the House

I hope you enjoy

Kenn